About
let go of what kills you.Following
indiapercipere:symphnysldr:ashleypavlenko:cobradisk:izzy-chan:laralenalust:fletchlegworld:winteryfairyland: nashvilletnbound:
(via justanotherwide-eyedgirl)
don’t go away again,
i want to be more than a phone call at 4am.
seems like every time you come back home,
it’s just to steal my heart and leave.
don’t go away again,
i want to be more than a story to tell your friends.
seems like every time you come back home,
it’s just to make me fall again.
<3 every avenue.
i have no place to go.
in this house, i wander because there’s no place for me to lay my head. my bedroom is in shambles. it smells of gas. the carpet is ripped up, the walls are torn apart. my things are being put back into boxes and my clothes are in baskets. my bed is being taken apart soon and then all the furniture will be taken out. and then eventually, new carpeting or something will be put down. lord knows how long that will take.
in the meantime, i’m back to sleeping in the living room on the most uncomfortable clue couch ever. it’s very comfortable if you want to sit and chill on it for a little while. but when you have to sleep on it? not so much. my clothes are all over the house, as are my meds, my shoes, and all my other personal belongings. and i HATE IT.
i abruptly stopped taking my meds the other day because i decided that i didn’t want to take them anymore. and then that made me sick. the stomach pains, the vomiting. it was so horrible; i almost wound up in the emergency room i was that sick. my doctor said it’s because i just stopped taking them. my body didn’t have a chance to adjust. i should ween myself off like i had to ween myself on. but i don’t have time for this shit.
needless to say, i’m taking them again. twice a day, every day. for the rest of my life.
tonight, i’m home without my friends or anyone who actually cares. i’m listening to sad music and reading a book about a happy couple who, in the end, survives and lives happily ever after. i wish i could be happy. i really wish i could. but all i can do is think about what i would have - should have - been doing tonight. and that pain is worse than any pain that would put me in the hospital.
but i never told you,
what i should have said.
no, i never told you;
i just held it in.
and now, i miss everything about you.
i cant believe i still want you.
after all the things we’ve been through.
i miss everything about you, without you.
i see your eyes,
every time i close mine,
you make it hard to see/
where i belong to,
when i’m not around you,
it’s like i’m gone with me.
and now, i miss everything about you.
i cant believe i still want you.
after all the things we’ve been through.
i miss everything about you, without you.
story of my life.
during the day, the sun shines into the light of the memories beind my eyes. at night, however, the sun sets and the memories have nothing to hold them back. the darkness hold the key to my constant reminders; the things i don’t want to forget, and will not forget, but have to tuck away a little bit. because should they be allowed to surface every minute of everyday, my days would be nothing but sadness, regret and all those maybes, what ifs, and what might have beens.
today the snow fell for the first time. it’s the turning of a new leaf, a new season, even though it’s only october. i love the snow, so there’s no complaints here. a little change a little early has never been anything to be too afraid of, right?
with the new frozen flakes, the change in the tides is apparent, too. it happens before my eyes. break ups, make ups, fights, loses, gains, happiness and pain. today was a day of change in many, many ways. tomorrow the change will progess and turn the world on her axis once more.
tomorrow. oh dear.
and maybe someday, we’ll figure all this out. try to put an end to all our doubt; try to find a way to make things better now. and maybe someday, we’ll live our lives out loud. we’ll be better off somehow, someday.
story of my life.
(via undermoonlitskies)
